Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Life likes a shit

Yes, truely life likes a shit! We have a sin in the world, because of that sin we should work cant have a holiday. If you have a holiday you should work twice harder or your future will become worst.

In the world somehow you cant become good people, if you become good people the other live and you don't live. But in good way, if we become good, so we expect when we are in difficult way they will help us.

Life is cruel. Everybody look for money one and another. That's crazy. Who mean or can eat other's money can stay longer that the others that like to give. A bit sad to realize that!

Human is worker, what they need learn learn learn & work work work & becomes old. Aaahhh sadddd!!!  What should i do?:'( I am afraid to be old & wishes to going to die.. Hiks hiks hiks..
The exam of life more difficult. Mature but still galaw! What will be!!!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

errrr

I love writing so much.

I am really a cool person. This is already advised previously that it is not so good, but i think it's a character that never been easy to be changed.

Same like, i don't like reading. I like to hear people talking then reading information by myself. But that's make my vocabulary and structure of my english is not good enough.

I am at the intersection Singapore or Jakarta. Spend money or waste money. Security country or unsecure company. ahhh. Life is complicated as usual.

No matter where your heart want to lead you. There will hands that try to hold you back. Life's challange is to find the strength to break free.

-That sentences is true. But in time, i understand when you fail then you will come back to your family. Same story with Lost child from the bible.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

God, lead me

Hi God,

I understand that life is never easy. But everything happen insistently make me demotivation.
God, lead my way. Make me stronger again and again.

I hate me. a lot of crying caused of family, they expect me so much. But somehow that really make me sad. I should be strong god. Wish i can reversing all this thing. I trust into God.

Everything can be happen just never lost hopes.

Thank you god.
your humble servant.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Seem everybody treat me as mature person

hmm.. Long paused after 3 month.

Especially when i cameback from Hongkong, everybody seems treat me as mature woman. Am i mature enough ? :D

And more than that after i comeback from jakarta then go to semarang, attending my friend's wedding then go to surabaya meet by brother and family there. Seems everything a bit untidy. My father ask me to go surabaya, then i go to surabaya then my uncle seem say don't need to hear my father. I cry after that seems life is very funny. Maybe it's true that there is no right and wrong in this life. And everybody try to influence me, or maybe because i able to listen everybody until make me very confusie.. ahahaha... I have a conclusion, i think when you become very kind to any person, then the other person will be kind also to you.

Then another problem in family. Could i say i hate my family very much? Whyyy, what is the function as a mother, yahhh but at least what i able to say.. mother is a mother, mother also human. My mother maybe very soft, so when the kids grow up become a mature person, she cannot become friend to be argued, or to be exampled. She just become very stubborn with my dad, but very kind with the children. That's might be a different pattern of learner from my mother with the others.

This is critical time for everybody that changed from in relationship to become mature person. Lucky me no need to pass the time like my sister and my brother. Thanks God.

Another wishes for this x-mas year, wish i able to find suitable job here. Since i'm too picky..

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

What is God's plan

God, what is your plan ? Until now i never know what is your plan for me?

I 'm very thankful although i don't have any job currently, but i still have a boyfriend. :)
Although it has been difficult for me to accept it. But i still try to accept this as my challange. And i am enjoying my free time, so i will able to learn and improve my english and mandarin skill.

I just realized for past 1 year, i had not learn very much. I play very hard. :p 
Until now suddenly i realize that i need to be more serious run my life ? whatzzzz, i tot i am too serious run my life :D ok, that mean i should be relax. But if i am too relax they said i'm too relax.. How come ? so which one is correct ? #headache my mind think about that.

Human's journey seems very interesting.  How come there is character of person like me, i can not imagine and understand myself. But now my goal to make my parent happy is almost there, but it is not fully archived. Because i still need to look for new job at singapore, and walk on long distance relationship. Yes, Love is not selfish. I hope i able to survive run through this journey.

so far i have two interview until today. The first one seems the environment more to Indian people, i just does not feel confident with that kind of environment. The second is very formal, i have not reach that kind of level. Although i really hope about working to that company, but i don't feel enough confident to work there. But still wish it, and lets god decide for me. Because i trust that we try our best, but who decide still them as interviewer and god that always give the best for us. 

*How come i am so religious today :D

ok, i'm preparing my holiday. Although there are invitation to come into melbourne by emmy, and to East coast by Joy. But how come still not so easy to decide for going to Melbourne. Am i so mean ? :D
I still need to make my parent happier by planning buy a new apartment in singapore. It seem very hard for me since of course it is not easy. Huwaaaa, why i need to take this challange... T.T

why i am so independent ? and love to be in painful T.T

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Presence of God

Seems like God bring me to many of thinking lately...

I feel mine very clear. Yesterday after i run through all my problem from january til july 2012.

I feel very depressed around 2 weeks ago, after my friends husband suddenly passed away. Even God take his life without thinking that she should take care her 6 months baby by herself. I feel all heaviness and on that time that you can do just became surrender.

I realize about the law cause of cause and effect in my office nowadays. Since i almost 3 year in my company. First year, i was very good until 1 year later i didn't satisfied with my raise salary, But my boss' become greedy, and my team become lazy to work and it cause one and another unhappy work with the other, and blaming each other for everything that wrong. What i got this year :
1. My programmer eyes pain.
2. One ops resign on January 
3. The other my ops friend got accident, and got many sickness and around 1-2 month didn't come to office.  
4. My programmer resign from the company
5. My friend's husband passed away

I really want to resign from my company, i feel very depressed with my work load and doesn't satisfied with my programmer didn't fixed the bugs. And then realize later my boss always tell that this application is not so good, and ask me to dig the others. Later on everything is not so good no system, everything become unclear. And all the thing my boss do all that lonely, and he become cannot remind anything.

oh god, the law of cause and effect i feel it very fast here.

After i play badminton, i feel i can see everything clearly, and after learn Chinese i can hear clearly.
I can feel my work become better.

When i feel depressed, i look for to my surrounding and i feel it that many people have their own problem, but when i take a look somebody that older and singaporean they have problem more heavy. And i'm become very sad, cannot help anything til i told my friend. Until i told to my friends, and my friend said what is the continuation. O ya, that time i just can be silent. I should look for money to help people surround me.

Until i go to the Langkawi yesterday, i feel very free. Nature is very simple, it never expect you many thing. I feel presence of God here. :)
Some might say that my boss is perfectionism, you should realize everything that created by human is not perfect.

And too bad my family got the impact, my madness :)) And now i really want to make them happy... 
First year in spore i work hard to perform in office
Second year in spore i work hard to be slim
Third year in spore i'm should learning Chinese

If you stay in the city. It will not never fair, city is created by human. If you look for fairness take a look to the nature, or inside to your self, and God. And you need to find another part of your soulmate to complete you.. Suddenly very narcism i can say this one. :p

Again, we should love our job, but never trust your bosses. Because they also a human!!
Just trust ur god, and please lead me god..



Sunday, July 08, 2012

new me^^

Hi,

Thanks God. For happiness you gave to me. A light for me on this year, after many failure now i can accept all, and improve me a lot.

Thank for anybody that there for me. Now i'm really thankful for all that i have,
1.  Break up from my routine activity.
My high effort to break up my routine activity with my flatmate friends. I usually busy with them for saturday and sunday, and busy to meet the other friend that visit singapore. Now i try to do not care about it, and try to focus with my life.  Forget a moment about kindness, because somehow future more important for me now.
2. Difficulty in English
My company friends already tired with my english skill is not getting improve. But dont not why hope to learn Chinese its really make my english become better. This is like miracle when i realize that my english is improved. Previously i always think that i try to translate from my brain, but now the way i speak i dont need translate anymore. Its like magic!
3. Learn Chinese
I decide to learn chinese, because i really want to understand chinese so can speak chinese with my company friends.
4. Relationship with office friends
 Now i really feel closed with office friend. This is really friendship. But dunno this is become better or not. How come company is like friendship. Cant imagine !! still blur....  That's awesome that i can have a real singaporean and malaysia friends. Its really real friendship. Thanks God! Hope this is make me want to stay at singapore.:)
5. Open mind to learn about God more.
Dunno why, i can join the lesson that requested from my boss related about god. I'm still doing it.

Thanks God for the oppurtunity. Now  i hope i can improve myself become better and better.
1. Know god better
2. Learn chinese better
3. Work improve
4. Management Time and Priority and  Focus!