Seem everybody treat me as mature person

hmm.. Long paused after 3 month.

Especially when i cameback from Hongkong, everybody seems treat me as mature woman. Am i mature enough ? :D

And more than that after i comeback from jakarta then go to semarang, attending my friend's wedding then go to surabaya meet by brother and family there. Seems everything a bit untidy. My father ask me to go surabaya, then i go to surabaya then my uncle seem say don't need to hear my father. I cry after that seems life is very funny. Maybe it's true that there is no right and wrong in this life. And everybody try to influence me, or maybe because i able to listen everybody until make me very confusie.. ahahaha... I have a conclusion, i think when you become very kind to any person, then the other person will be kind also to you.

Then another problem in family. Could i say i hate my family very much? Whyyy, what is the function as a mother, yahhh but at least what i able to say.. mother is a mother, mother also human. My mother maybe very soft, so when the kids grow up become a mature person, she cannot become friend to be argued, or to be exampled. She just become very stubborn with my dad, but very kind with the children. That's might be a different pattern of learner from my mother with the others.

This is critical time for everybody that changed from in relationship to become mature person. Lucky me no need to pass the time like my sister and my brother. Thanks God.

Another wishes for this x-mas year, wish i able to find suitable job here. Since i'm too picky..

What is God's plan

God, what is your plan ? Until now i never know what is your plan for me?

I 'm very thankful although i don't have any job currently, but i still have a boyfriend. :)

Although it has been difficult for me to accept it. But i still try to accept this as my challange. And i am enjoying my free time, so i will able to learn and improve my english and mandarin skill.

I just realized for past 1 year, i had not learn very much. I play very hard. :p 

Until now suddenly i realize that i need to be more serious run my life ? whatzzzz, i tot i am too serious run my life :D ok, that mean i should be relax. But if i am too relax they said i'm too relax.. How come ? so which one is correct ? #headache my mind think about that.

Human's journey seems very interesting.  How come there is character of person like me, i can not imagine and understand myself. But now my goal to make my parent happy is almost there, but it is not fully archived. Because i still need to look for new job at singapore, and walk on long distance relationship. Yes, Love is not selfish. I hope i able to survive run through this journey.

so far i have two interview until today. The first one seems the environment more to Indian people, i just does not feel confident with that kind of environment. The second is very formal, i have not reach that kind of level. Although i really hope about working to that company, but i don't feel enough confident to work there. But still wish it, and lets god decide for me. Because i trust that we try our best, but who decide still them as interviewer and god that always give the best for us. 

*How come i am so religious today :D

ok, i'm preparing my holiday. Although there are invitation to come into melbourne by emmy, and to East coast by Joy. But how come still not so easy to decide for going to Melbourne. Am i so mean ? :D

I still need to make my parent happier by planning buy a new apartment in singapore. It seem very hard for me since of course it is not easy. Huwaaaa, why i need to take this challange... T.T

why i am so independent ? and love to be in painful T.T

Presence of God

Seems like God bring me to many of thinking lately...

I feel mine very clear. Yesterday after i run through all my problem from january til july 2012.

I feel very depressed around 2 weeks ago, after my friends husband suddenly passed away. Even God take his life without thinking that she should take care her 6 months baby by herself. I feel all heaviness and on that time that you can do just became surrender.

I realize about the law cause of cause and effect in my office nowadays. Since i almost 3 year in my company. First year, i was very good until 1 year later i didn't satisfied with my raise salary, But my boss' become greedy, and my team become lazy to work and it cause one and another unhappy work with the other, and blaming each other for everything that wrong. What i got this year :
1. My programmer eyes pain.
2. One ops resign on January 
3. The other my ops friend got accident, and got many sickness and around 1-2 month didn't come to office.  
4. My programmer resign from the company
5. My friend's husband passed away

I really want to resign from my company, i feel very depressed with my work load and doesn't satisfied with my programmer didn't fixed the bugs. And then realize later my boss always tell that this application is not so good, and ask me to dig the others. Later on everything is not so good no system, everything become unclear. And all the thing my boss do all that lonely, and he become cannot remind anything.

oh god, the law of cause and effect i feel it very fast here.

After i play badminton, i feel i can see everything clearly, and after learn Chinese i can hear clearly.
I can feel my work become better.

When i feel depressed, i look for to my surrounding and i feel it that many people have their own problem, but when i take a look somebody that older and singaporean they have problem more heavy. And i'm become very sad, cannot help anything til i told my friend. Until i told to my friends, and my friend said what is the continuation. O ya, that time i just can be silent. I should look for money to help people surround me.

Until i go to the Langkawi yesterday, i feel very free. Nature is very simple, it never expect you many thing. I feel presence of God here. :)
Some might say that my boss is perfectionism, you should realize everything that created by human is not perfect.

And too bad my family got the impact, my madness :)) And now i really want to make them happy... 
First year in spore i work hard to perform in office
Second year in spore i work hard to be slim
Third year in spore i'm should learning Chinese

If you stay in the city. It will not never fair, city is created by human. If you look for fairness take a look to the nature, or inside to your self, and God. And you need to find another part of your soulmate to complete you.. Suddenly very narcism i can say this one. :p

Again, we should love our job, but never trust your bosses. Because they also a human!!
Just trust ur god, and please lead me god..

new me^^

Hi,

Thanks God. For happiness you gave to me. A light for me on this year, after many failure now i can accept all, and improve me a lot.

Thank for anybody that there for me. Now i'm really thankful for all that i have,
1.  Break up from my routine activity.
My high effort to break up my routine activity with my flatmate friends. I usually busy with them for saturday and sunday, and busy to meet the other friend that visit singapore. Now i try to do not care about it, and try to focus with my life.  Forget a moment about kindness, because somehow future more important for me now.
2. Difficulty in English
My company friends already tired with my english skill is not getting improve. But dont not why hope to learn Chinese its really make my english become better. This is like miracle when i realize that my english is improved. Previously i always think that i try to translate from my brain, but now the way i speak i dont need translate anymore. Its like magic!
3. Learn Chinese
I decide to learn chinese, because i really want to understand chinese so can speak chinese with my company friends.
4. Relationship with office friends
 Now i really feel closed with office friend. This is really friendship. But dunno this is become better or not. How come company is like friendship. Cant imagine !! still blur....  That's awesome that i can have a real singaporean and malaysia friends. Its really real friendship. Thanks God! Hope this is make me want to stay at singapore.:)
5. Open mind to learn about God more.
Dunno why, i can join the lesson that requested from my boss related about god. I'm still doing it.

Thanks God for the oppurtunity. Now  i hope i can improve myself become better and better.
1. Know god better
2. Learn chinese better
3. Work improve
4. Management Time and Priority and  Focus!

I enjoy my day !

I'm enjoying my day this week :)

Thank you for everybody that doesn't disturb me, After last week very unhappy with busyness.

Last week like a hell.
First day, just got a long discussion with boss since he just left for church camp 1 week.
Second day, Got mad cause of taking lunch's time longer, and i cant answer the question. the boss can only say "You're not kids right. You are adult" After that look for happiness by watching MIB 3. Feels good after that.
Third day, After working hour should went to take chinese course, join my friends cause of the she couldn't join next saturday then cancelled ladies night at kudeta with the girls. :p then caused they didnt go there and ansein play at home and chit and chat til night..
Fourth day, After working hour should go to take Badminton games.
Fifth day, friday came back home and gather with the girls for packing package that would be shared at anton's birthday for the day after.
Saturday, Vebri's flight in the morning. She wake up in the morning make me cant sleep anymore. and i did my ioning and then take chinese course then go to orchard, went to ikoma, then go to office take some stuff, then continue ioning then went to bishan's park celebrating anton's bday. Then after that continue to Davin's places and meet them until sunday night come back home. :)

This monday, i sleep early and a bit dissapointed bcause him didnt bring hardisk for me. But today tuesday i'm very happy to have my private thing :) i already can accepted why i failed for PR. So i really thankful for today.

Aku adalah boneka hidup thn 2012

heiii...

I'm a alive doll this year.. Thanks and also i want to say a shit politely for everybody that control me..
My mother, that want me apply PR.. After rejected, she just say nevermind, next year can try to apply again.
My grandma, that didnt allow me to resign. Politely seem want to say, how your family live if you didnt work!!
My boyfriend, i'm busy with my business start up company. My focus this year on it.
My boss, my favorite programmer resign.. Heii you please learn become programmer!!

Thanks for the shit this year!
Luckily, i'm still respect all of them..

Where am i ?
- I want to resign, dont have any courageous  caused of family matter.
- I'm happily see my friends that start to have a marriage and babies, others not ready yet
- I apply pr so i can learn again with subsidy, government reject me
- Oklah, at least one step closer learning chinese, programming and badminton games.
Thanks a lot for wiewie, ricky wijaya, my mandarin friends (shinta n linda), all flat mate n spore's friends, company friend that run through my days.

The key of this year : Be Patience...
Until i cannot bear it. I'll leave all of this.

You are not the one that on difficult situation

Hi God,
Thank for slap me. When all my surrounding is very kind to me. You are the one that give me comparison.

I know several people, Andre, Linda, Shinta. I know all of them currently on boring mode in their step of life. Most of them bored with their job, and also some of them bored to be single. Since it's not easy to find soulmate, although we really want it.

I'm still lucky even i feel bored to be single, there is one guy that still love me very much.

When i feel very bored to my job, there is my boss that really want to understand me, and help me different way. My boss really want me to know god deeper. He always do this kind of thing since i'm in at my company here.

And what he said quite shocked me "But dont change for the sake of changing because perhaps the need for change that you feel is within you not so much the environment" kalo diindonesiain Jangan berubah demi ingin berubah karena mungkin keinginan berubah yang kamu rasakan itu berasal dari diri sendiri dan bukan terlalu banyak dari lingkungan.

Yes, big possibility i want to change because i really want to change. And i just throw the reason cause of company. possible...

Thanks god, so far i 've boss for the current n previous company, really understand me. And they didnt allowed me to resign without take good step.

Even now, when i really want to runaway from this job, this life. My family doesnt agree with it. My mother especially want me to stay here. Its not easily deal with it, i should stretch it. Even my uncle, my aunty all give advice to me. I cannot be careless to take the decision. It will effect very big to my family. oh God, give me some strength to pass all of this.

Related about my life,my relationship with many flat mate. I also hear many problem, my roommate lost her dog, and she is really sad about it. The day when she hear about it, she is crying and cannot sleep til early day. Then my other flatmate, she just have complicated relationship with the guy that i think have take 1 or 2 year until they decided to be in relationship. But at the last its over on a month, and a bit difficult for her because she really runaway to Jakarta spontaneously. The other one also, my friend that have work in spore for 2 year, then move to Netherlands for study, and failed go back Singapore and look for the job. A bit pathetic for her, because she work at start-up company after 3 month probation the company just cut off her salary.

O ya even my company's friend also have many problem. The one that have 1 baby, 1 dog, and 1 mother to be take care. And even her husband probably is not reliable. Then the other on single not married woman, that now have many sickness from asthma, gastric, eye problem. Before she have an accident within 3 car. I hope all of them will be okay.

My pray for you god, please take care all of them. Even i'm sure Davin and Indah also have the difficult way about their new house, and Reynard feel tired about all his job.

o God, Thanks for reminding me that i'm not the one in difficult situation. I make a wish, hope all of us can pass through all the problem.

I just realize that i'm still lucky person. That i know i should improved myself. That is an obligation. Where is my spirit ? I really want to change!!!

Always trying to find A safer place to hide.. - Kina Grannis Heart and Mind

After talk secretly with ... , i feel don't want to talk anymore.  I hate myself...
I want to hide..

Human with their experiencing of their life, and interpret any thing.. I know i am fragile..
i always like to runaway..

Too many thing that i did without use my brain. I'm stupid as usual..

Kata2 bagus..

Aku ingin melanjutkan kehidupan ini, keluar dari kesedihan dan kekecewaan, memasuki kehidupan yang ringan terasa di hati, yang lembut terasa di wajahku, dan bening dan sejuk terasa di pikiranku.

Tuhan, bantulah aku untuk Move On!

Aku rindu untuk hidup sepenuhnya sebagai jiwa gembira yang riang merayakan keindahan hidup ini.

... dikutip dari kata2 Mario Teguh tgl 29 march 2012.

Tuhan, aku mau mau pikiran yang sejuk, jiwa yang gembira dan riang menjalani kehidupan. Aku harap aku bisa move on tahun ini. Cheers :)

Let's hope, become hope is stronger than fears. - Hunger Games.2012

Curhat ahay

Hello blog,

long time didnt see you. I feel unhappy although i am surrounded by all kind peoples. I feel dissapointed for anything although i've friend a lot, i've family that really care to me, i've boy friend that like to say cheesy thing.

Blog, i've no spirit to work anymore at singapore. :( God, although i know somehow i should be thankful, but i still unhappy with the job at spore. And maybe also about the salary. Ah sucks! you know how emotional me at my third year at singapore.

Everybody can say, you can save a lot at singapore. But actually there are a lot of temptation too at singapore. First is Shopping, since shopping mall at singapore always persuade you with many discount thing :p Between bag, shoes, books, electronic, gadget or else.. :p Second the temptation is Vacation, Its easy to go holiday from singapore since manage visa here is easy, and this city very small and so bored. Then the third, after all the temptation if you cannot handle it you can suicide, have party, or free sex. hahahaha...

What kind of life that you can have here, ALL is UP TO YOU.. But how you work here, also sometime you need to work very hard with minimum salary since you're just worker from others country. But still positive, that you are here is happier than live in Indonesia.

Blog, i still dont know about the future. What i want cannot be easy to be get. Why my brain is not clear, i really dont know what i want now. I feel unhappy, i cannot control my emotional. I miss to be loved by my parents. God, why we need to be mature ? I still want to be kids.

I'm too temperamental. I'm afraid that i can finish my life til the end of age god give to me. Maybe i'll suicide before that time. :)) HaHaHa..

There are no correct or wrong way, everything you can do, but please god, give me your wisdom, i still want to make my grand ma and my parents happy.

Sometimes i want to runaway from this life..

Is there any job that you always got mad? Haa?

huhuhu.. After 2012 coming, and went to the office at 3rd Jan 2012. I've bad day got angry by Engineer.. Try to look for some good quotes. It's okay have Bad Day, It's not Bad Life.. Second's day got angry from Operations, what a day. Just keep alive Girl! Life is not easy :p I dont want become sad because of getting other's madness, but sometimes i always got rudeness from the others, try to think think and think... Something wrong with me, possibly i always need warn before i realize what the thing should be.. Maybe that's the way God make me survive, and big possibility my character that always make other people keep angry. :D How to change the character, if that's the way you are. God, promise. I dont want to be losed by any people, at once time i'll urgue that's they cannot do that to me. But somehow, i don't know how to act to others people. Please teach me how to act! Haa? God, could i still alive with my weakness without any colonial feeling. my brain like floating :D I don't want to be affected by anybody, let me be independent.